how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He shit in the fireplace
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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