I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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