Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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