It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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