Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You're like the curious george of whores
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
