First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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