Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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