Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
