I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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