JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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