Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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