It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
