i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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