did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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