Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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