Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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