garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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