She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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