There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
