I bet he comes in French.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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