you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
