im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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