i think i have herpe
just one?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
