Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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