my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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