I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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