return my video game
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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