1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Randomize
