i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
