put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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