Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize