After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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