There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
