Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
