Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
