at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
