i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
