Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
