my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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