me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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