I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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