please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize