Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize