Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
