Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
