I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
