if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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