i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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