When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
