woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
