I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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