I'm jealous of your bromance
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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