I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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