sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
