I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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