I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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