drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
