I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
