You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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