So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
